


Restoration

by lightsinthefloors



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: 8.18, Allusions to CSA, Caring Spencer Reid, Carl Buford - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt Derek Morgan, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Protective Spencer Reid, Restoration, Season 8, but no actual descriptions, episode 18, episode fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28120122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsinthefloors/pseuds/lightsinthefloors
Summary: Season 8, episode 18. Spencer will always be there for Derek, but tonight, Derek needs him a little more than usual.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	Restoration

**Author's Note:**

> I’m guilty of always writing hurt Spencer and caring Derek, but in a healthy relationship, they care for each other! So here’s Spencer being the caretaker for once, and Derek getting to be a little vulnerable

Derek Morgan is not by any means a weak person. If anything, he’s quite the opposite. He’s strong, resilient, and extremely capable of almost every task he’s given. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t bad days. Well, more like bad nights. The nights where he wakes up in a cold sweat, the nightmares still a perfect movie in his mind. The nights where he makes himself sick from getting so worked up, and doesn’t know if he wants Spencer to hold him or not touch him at all. Derek will scrub and claw at himself in the shower, but just can’t feel clean. Spencer is never sure what to do on these nights. It’s different every time, and he’s often afraid he’ll hurt more than help. Still, he’ll always try his best. Derek is there for him at his lowest, and Spencer will always return the favor. 

This case didn’t just hit close to home for Derek, it came right for him. Carl Buford was someone he’d never thought he’d have to see again. But by the end of the night, Derek had shook hands with him, and on the plane ride home, got news that he died. It was truly a whirlwind of emotions. He didn’t even know what to say, just digesting the news that had been delivered. Spencer was shocked when he heard- he’d been checking on Derek all day, subtle, not overbearing. But this? He had no idea what Derek wanted. 

Now, they’re just getting home. Spencer insisted on driving, wanting Derek to relax. He’s refrained from touching him, not knowing how Derek is feeling in the moment. The older man lays his head against the window, staying quiet while they drive. He barely even knows how he feels. He’ll never have to see Buford ever again, but that doesn’t take away all the things that happened. Derek shivers softly as he remembers touching the man earlier, shaking his hand all for a list that wasn’t even accurate. He can’t let himself be happy that a person died. It’s more of a relieved feeling. After all that happened with that man, Derek is just grateful he never has to see him again, let alone touch him or be in the same room. 

Lost in his thoughts, the ride home goes by fast, and they’re pulling up before he knows it. Spencer gets out of the car, his heart still aching for his love. He wants to do so much more, help him feel better. Instead, he grabs his bag and walks over to Derek’s side, silently offering his hand. He smiles when it’s taken, squeezing his warm hand gently as they walk up the steps. Spencer unlocks the door with one hand, the other one still holding on tight to Derek’s. They drop their bags by the door, all mundane tasks feeling like a deal with it later sort of thing. Spencer gently pulls Derek towards the couch, sitting down with a heavy sigh. He rubs up and down his arm, laying his head down on Derek’s shoulder. 

“Are you hungry at all? I can make you something,” Spencer offers. 

“I’m okay, pretty boy,” Derek answers quietly, bringing his hand up to run through Spencer’s curls. “It’s late and we’re both tired. Let’s just call it a night.”

Spencer nods softly, but doesn’t get up to move just yet. He gently strokes Derek’s cheek with the back of his hand, then cupping it gently as he presses a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you,” he murmurs. 

Derek sighs, leaning into the touch. He didn’t realize how much he wanted it until it was there. “I love you too, so much,” he whispers. 

Spencer smiles, sort of sadly, and pulls back. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

Derek let’s him lead the way, extremely grateful that Spencer is taking control. Normally, it’s the other way around, not because Spencer needs it to be, but that’s just how it happens. Derek is more of an alpha male while Spencer is more submissive, but in moments like this, the younger man can take charge. He wants Derek to feel safe and grounded, and Spencer hopes he’s helping. 

The two of them change out of their work clothes, now comfortable in sweats and t-shirts. Spencer’s decided by now that Derek is okay with being touched this time, and he stays close to the older man as they lay down. Derek wraps his arms around Spencer, nestling into the top of his head. It’s not long before they both drift off, content in each other’s arms. Unfortunately, Derek’s dreams aren’t nearly as calm. It’s only a few hours that they’ve been asleep when he wakes up with a start, the familiar nightmare still vivid in his mind. Spencer had been sleeping lightly- he always does when something is wrong with Derek- and wakes up once he feels movement. His heart breaks when he sees his boyfriend shaking, trying to catch his breath. Derek is struggling to calm down, sweating and panting as he tries to register where he is. 

“Derek,” Spencer whispers, “you’re safe. You’re home and I’m the only person with you. He’s not here.”

“He was here,” Derek gasps softly, bringing his knees up to his chest. “I saw him... I felt him.”

“No, no, hon. It was only your mind,” Spencer assures, hesitantly putting a hand on his back. 

Derek lets out a soft whine, leaning back into it. “I touched him, Spencer. I shook his hand. I hate him.”

Spencer pulls Derek close, rubbing the back of his neck and head. “Listen to me. What he did to you is a terrible thing. And I am so, so sorry that you ever had to go through that. But you will never have to see that man again. I promise you.”

“I can still see and feel and hear everything clear as day,” Derek mutters, wiping his eyes angrily. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget his face. I want to, Spence, but I don’t know how.”

“I wish I could take it all away, babe,” Spencer whispers, pressing his lips against his temple. “If I could do anything, that’s what I would do. But as much as I want to, I can’t. Is there anything I can do for you now?” 

“Can you touch me?” Derek asks quietly, slumping back against Spencer’s chest. “I love it when it’s you. I want your touch, not his. I never want to feel him again.”

“You never will,” Spencer promises, wrapping his arms around Derek. 

His hands roam all over him, one rubbing up and down his arm and the other under his shirt, tracing shapes over the ab muscles. Spencer lets his head bow down just enough to brush his hair against Derek’s head, eventually turning to hook his chin over his shoulder. Spencer just holds him for a long time, hearing his breaths and feeling his heart rate eventually begin to slow. 

“Do you want to take a shower?” Spencer asks softly, knowing Derek probably doesn’t feel clean after having to touch the man that did such a horrible thing to him. “I’ll come with you.”

Derek nods, slowly untangling himself from Spencer’s hold. The two of them head to the bathroom, starting the shower and stripping out of their pajamas. Spencer gets in first, not letting go of Derek the whole time. Gentle hands brush the tears off of his cheeks, holding him close under the hot water. By the time they’re finished, Derek truly feels clean again, and has a little bit of hope that in the morning, he’ll be okay. Spencer grabs him fresh pajamas, rubbing his side for a moment before changing himself. Spencer thinks today was the most mad he’s ever been, except for maybe when he first found out about Carl Buford and when JJ and Hotch lied about Emily. He’s furious that someone hurt Derek that much, that someone used him and took advantage of him. He hates that Derek had to speak to him and touch him again today. The only thing that calms him is the fact that Derek is safe at home with him now, and Buford will never be able to touch him again. 

“Let’s lay down,” Spencer whispers, coaxing him into bed. “Come here, I want you close.”

Spencer lays on his back, and Derek curls up between his legs, his head resting on the genius’s stomach. Spencer rubs his back, needing to feel that Derek is really there with him and not anywhere else. 

“Thank you,” Derek murmurs quietly. “You’ve never made me feel anything but safe.” 

“Don’t thank me. I want you to feel safe here. This is our home, you should be able to feel safe here all the time. Try and get some sleep, alright?” Spencer smiles gently. 

“Okay,” Derek whispers, his eyelids already becoming heavy. “I love you.”

“I love you more, Derek,” Spencer whispers back, holding him close. 

It’s not long before the two are asleep again, luckily with no more nightmares. Derek is able to rest peacefully this time, staying close throughout the night. Safe, warm, and calm, Derek sleeps, the touch of Spencer Reid still lingering on his skin. It’s alright, though. That touch is one he’ll always want.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow while editing this I almost deleted the entire thing on accident but I didn’t


End file.
